verbosity and internal editors

I wish I could learn to lower my expectations for writing. I tend to write nothing, or far too much. I need a good editor, instead of the evil one who cuts off writings before I even start to type.

Maybe then I could avoid going a month without posting to my blog.

Grr.

For mid-morning snack I had a chocolate chip scone type thing from a glass jar on my desk that somebody gave me last week. It was rather crunchy but quite good. The person who gave it to me may have called it a biscotti. Which would match the bad Vanilla Biscotti flavored coffee I just managed to finish.

antidisestablishmentarianism

I used to think I was a radical. Those of you who know me may already be laughing. I am aware that I tend to come across as one of the gentlest, softest people on the planet.

But inside there were always this dissatisfaction with the world. My Myers-Briggs type suggests that I have the tendency to analyze everything, and the flexibility to chuck just about anything when a better solution presents itself. This description feels about right. I have always prided myself on my intellectual and emotional flexibility: being able to see things from a different point of view is one of my favorite attributes. It helps me to solve problems that may seem insurmountable, it helps me sympathize with people who others find irredeemable, and it helps me find interesting things in texts that others might find boring or obvious (though it also leads to congenital problems, like indecisiveness, wishy-washytude, and distractibility).

This flexibility leads me in radical directions. I consider lots of options, and I am frequently tempted to want to change things. Or to change everything. Or at least to push at the edges of things.

But as I get older, I become more and more convinced of two things that moderate my radical inclinations:
1. Nobody knows anything.
2. Civilization is one generation away from utter barbarism.

Number One suggests that contrived solutions or proposed changes often carry hidden costs and consequences that can upset all sorts of things. Number Two suggests that what we do as a society matters very much, because I (as a wimpy guy who likes electricity and words) prefer civilization to barbarism. I want civility and public works and healthy institutions to grow stronger, and this takes careful effort to make the culture and the society healthy, and to pass healthy habits along to our children.

Thus, I find myself a conservative radical. I still am dissatisfied with almost every institution I see, and I want to change them all, but only in small amounts. My younger self wanted to upset the whole apple cart and tear apart every institution. Presently I want to change absolutely everything in the world by about half a degree each.

I am coming to see my calling here on earth as one of preserving and encouraging what is healthy. I want to be a cultural gardener. Pruning and weeding out what is unhealthy, encouraging what works. And what little influence I have over people I can use to make tiny little changes of emphasis, concern, and degree. That is probably all we can hope to accomplish without permanently damaging things. But that is the best way to tend an organic, living thing like a culture or a family or a society or a person.

Radical changes are sometimes necessary, but radical surgery should be the last option. Careful, attentive tweaking is what I intend to do. Unfortunately, I tend to be lousy at long-term, ongoing maintenance.

I haven’t had lunch yet today. Breakfast was a couple of slices of jelly toast with butter, and half a slice of jelly toast (no butter) that was left over by my son. And coffee: freshly ground quite stale Folger’s Vanilla Biscotti beans. I’m going to throw away the rest of the bag.