what a mighty good man

I've been searching a long time for a good model of healthy modern American masculinity in pop culture. There are very few good candidates. Mostly candidates fall into the categories of jerks and losers. In TV and movies you get either the hypermasculine self-absorbed prick (Tim Allen, frat boys, most sit-coms) or the emasculated ineffectual softie (Ryan Seacrest, that preacher from "Seventh Heaven") or the female fantasy who only exists for the sake of his woman or kids (Dr. McDreamy, most romantic comedies).

I am seeking a man capable of emotion and gentleness, yet able to get things done. Somebody who loves kids, but can also lead. I want to be a good parent--and that means I want to show love to my boys, but also help them grow into men. And I'm not sure I ever learned how to be that guy.

So where are the role models?

Many gay characters on reality shows come to mind: the chefs and designers and hairdressers often have an appealing fierceness along with competence at a particular skill. Yet their fierceness often seems rather shrill. Can a fierce character ever really be at peace with himself?

Mr. Rogers was a pretty good example of masculinity for me (wasn't he a Navy Seal or something?) but his mannerisms on the show only taught me how to focus exclusively on kids. I learned nothing from him on how to negotiate competing needs for kid-time and for grownup-time. And I need to have grownup conversations too, sometimes even when kids are in the room.

John Goodman from "Roseanne" was an appealing model for a while. He clearly loves his kids, and is able to manage a remarkably challenging wife, but he also seems to work well and enjoy his life. But "Barton Fink" made me too aware of this everyman's capacity for violence and rage to ever see him in a healthy way. (Yes, I'm being unfair. It's *my* blog!)

But I think I have found a good example. At last I believe I have found my model male, capable of tenderness, of sharing the spotlight, and also competent at getting things done.

My friends, I submit: Handy Manny. Of the eponymous Disney Channel show. Manny is this very competent worker and leader. He knows how to fix things, and he asserts himself when he truly knows best. Yet he also asks for help. And he knows that he relies fully on his community for assistance. He goes nowhere without his anthropomorphic tools, and always invites their input into what they are doing. In a nice touch, when he numbers off the tools as they "pop up" and "jump in" the toolbox, he even counts himself as one of them.

Manny is clearly the leader, and he usually knows best, but the show is all about collaboration, and mutual interdependence of the community. The closest thing to an unsympathetic character is a neighbor whose projects always fail, not because of simple incompetence, but because of a prideful self-reliance instead of asking for help.

Plus, Manny loves kids and kittens and robot puppies, and takes lots of time for playing with them, but struggles (successfully!) to get his work done even with them in the room.

I need to find out more about this Wilmer Valderrama guy, the voice actor. His voice for Manny is the gentlest possible, with very soft consonants and a tendency to break into non-demonstrative song. I had written the actor off based on the ads for "That Seventies Show" that seemed to show him as a cocky blowhard. But clearly the actresses love him, according to the tabloids.

Anyway, I'm learning from a cartoon character how to be a man. Wish me luck.

For supper I had roast with vegetables. It was one of those slow-cooker meals you buy complete in a box.